Creative Edge

Show-Me State Games

2007-07-30T06:41:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my boys were in the Missouri Show-Me State Games, the largest of this type of "Olympics-style" competition in the USA. Brandon had two days of tennis and Bryan had a day of TaeKwon Do... We pulled 12-hour days and there was a lot of sweat, great experiences and people and at the end of the weekend they had medals and stories.

I am so proud of who they are becoming as young men. Seeing them in their elements and sharing it with them makes me the happiest. The thrill of victory, the agony of a close defeat, the determination to keep going, to learn more, to try again, all of this makes for learning for me, too. They were Showing-Me so much...

my river

2007-07-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

There are so many blogs and there are so many people who post every single day - not me... I have wondered why I can't seem to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard with all that has been happening in my life. I don't journal about these last months either; it is all I can do to live it, it seems.

What do I want to say? It has been a very hard stretch these last few weeks. Some dark times in rough waters and I don't like to talk about it (but I do because it needs to come out) since I want to focus more on the light. My river is moving towards warmer waters.... each day, one at a time....

Mini-MO HMM Art Retreat: The 3rd Annual

2007-06-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

The 3rd Annual Holy Moly Art Retreat just wrapped it up here in Missouri. The amazing duo of Dorothy www.theartfullhand.com and Sue P. hosted the event that came to be known as "The Mini-MO Retreat" and it was a wonderful time!

HMM friends (we have been together as a Yahoo group since October 14, 2002) gathered from all over the country. There were 14 participants and more wonderful folks connected, too.

It was such fun to meet together in Columbia on Friday - the Retreat was based in Washington, MO, about an hou- and-a-half from here. My friend Sandi and I spent the day with everyone in Washington yesterday.

No way to describe the whole experience. Not only did I love it all, I needed this so much.
"We are family..." as the song goes... so true, so deeply true...

how can you say thank you to everyone?

2007-04-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

My family and I are so grateful. How can we ever say thank you to everyone who has touched our lives during these past months, during our whole lives (when it comes down to it)?

Some of the names we know, many we do not. I am trying to make cards and trying to find a tangible way to do what may not be even physically possible - to personally thank each and every person.

"I am a card-maker" I keep telling myself! But I don't have the stamina right now to stand at the art table and make the individualized cards I envision... A plan will come to me... Every breath in and out is voicing my gratitude and that I know for sure.

trying to post a link to "Band of Sisters"

2007-04-11T06:23:00.000-07:00

Let's try to post a link to the article "Band of Sisters" and see what happens. Thank you, Jolene, for this... if it doesn't work, I'll try something else...

http://www.columbiatribune.com/2007/Apr/20070408Ovat013.asp

The actual paper article also included a nice big photo of two of my cards and a canvas piece that was in Art Stamping Workshop with nice captions. Of course, I wish that more people and amazing things that people did were mentioned in the article. So many prayers and styles of prayers! And the prayer shawls and jar of lake water from my magical Lake Congamond from my childhood, Brandon's tennis team and what they did, my Mom being here for over three weeks... on and on...

"Band of Sisters" article in the paper

2007-04-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up early, wondering about the newspaper article that was to be in the Ovation section of the Sunday paper / Columbia Tribune - it is about our art critique group and the Art Raffle fundraiser they created for our family.

The article is called: "Band of Sisters" and it is just great.

There was no way to include all the stories that I wish could have been included, but the heart of it was perfect. It would take a whole book, not just one article, to say what I would really want to say, to thank all the people I would want to thank personally, and to reflect on so many things...

gratitude beyond words...

2007-03-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

How can I ever express all the gratitude that is overflowing in my heart for so many people? Getting diagnosed with cancer meant that I faced death and saw Life like I never did before. It meant being so overwhelmed at times I felt as if I was in a dense fog that would swallow me up, and then there would be loving hands reaching in so I could grab hold and walk into the light.

I had no idea how much I loved people and I had absolutely no idea of how many people loved me, too... I have read things that cancer survivors write and one thing that jumps off the page so many times is that on this path, your life and your view of life in general is completely changed. I am still recuperating from some big-guns treatments. I do not have the vantage point now of years down the road, or even knowing if this first round is effective yet. I do know that I am filled with gratitude, way beyond words to so many people, many I have never even met...

There is so much more that I want to give. No person has any guarantees on time. How wonderful that Love is infinite and eternal...

breaking through to my Spring

2007-03-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

On March 18th, I personally declared Spring a little earlier than the calendar. It was the first day in almost exactly four months that I felt kinda like me again. I heard that two to three weeks after the big-guns treatments that that would start to happen, and it was like a fog lifted... so, for me, it was my Spring Day.

I also "heard" that it would mean ups and downs and sure enough the few days after that, but still, I declare Spring. The grass is actually getting green, the buds are coming on the trees... I picked up some art supplies in my studio and made something - & that felt good.

My kids are really happy that Spring Break officially starts at the end of the school day today, and I have always done something about that - so we'll do something to celebrate together. The simplest things can mean so much...

LIVE STRONG & LOVE STRONG

2007-02-22T14:38:00.000-08:00

There are times when we need to hold onto people, dreams, hopes, all good things... really really tight. That happened to me when I found out that the breast cancer had gone to my bone/vertebra, caused a compression fracture, and that was what caused the extreme pain... That was a very difficult day and period of time. And then we keep fighting...

I find myself living these days in a totally different way than I ever lived before. And the days melt into weeks and in this case more than a month since posting last. I am in the middle of five weeks of radiation treatment. I wear my LIVESTRONG wristband every day and my motto is:

LIVESTRONG
LOVESTRONG

Spring is coming - I want to believe it anyway! - and the sun is shining today. I went for a walk with my son and it was good. I want to thank everyone who is joining me in their own special way on this path.

My heart is filled with gratitude!

keep on keepin' on... to the essence

2007-01-20T15:28:00.000-08:00

The last post seems like a thousand years ago... Days and hours and minutes and months get all fused, at times confused - at other times crystal clear.

In the world of "procedures" and medical terms, I am not really at home there yet. Going to my first support group was very helpful. Gary made me go. I hesitated because I was just hurting too much on a number of levels. The second I heard one smiling happy woman say that she was a nine-year breast cancer survivor, I immediately got up out of my chair and said: "Alright then, I am sitting next to YOU!" struggled out of my chair, sat myself down next to her, and the laughter helped lighten my darkness... They said she was my "lucky charm"...

I could write about the vertebroplasty I had done yesterday, but I don't want to. I just feel very grateful for the relief from the pain that was relentless.

Who is this new person I glance at in the mirror? I don't know my new self yet... This is an opportunity to reinvent, re-discover, uncover, pull things apart and see what's inside. But far beyond the procedures and tests and fears, the unknowns, way past who I was, what I have done before or want to accomplish in the future...

I want to get to the essence.

a "grace bank account"...

2007-01-13T10:16:00.000-08:00

Going through many phases of a life process in a very concentrated period of time is going to stir things up. And bring things to the surface; and bring love and friendship to a new level.

A friend (one I have never met "in person"), Karen Dinino, (Visual Chronicles lady) sent me a message this morning; it was from Karen and her sister Linda Woods (other Visual Chronicles lady & friend). Karen shared about how she felt I had created a "grace bank account" over the years... Sitting at the computer, reading what she wrote, I let the tears just flow.

At the same time, my 12-year old son was helping me with a difficult mid-back spasm on my right side, gently massaging it, sharing quietly with me that I needed to "focus on the left side, Mom; it is better than it was yesterday, and this side will get better, too..." and so I did. It helped; it all helps.

Every card, every flower, every message & massage, all the prayers, the positive energy, and the food... the heart in all of it... Reflecting, from that perspective? "It's a Wonderful Life"... I am grateful beyond words...

going for a walk

2006-12-29T15:56:00.000-08:00

Today my Mom and my son Bryan and I went for a walk - short distance but it felt like a big deal. First time in weeks. The sun was shining and I wanted to be outside. It felt good, even though I walk very slowly and gently. Sitting on the swings at his old elementary school, we all shared stories and it was a peaceful time.

My son Brandon played tennis outdoors later - wow - even at the end of December in Missouri! Before my first surgery there was a ton of snow. It is gone for now... I was grateful for the simple joy of going for a walk...

And today for the first time in quite a while, I thought of art-things and that was nice and it felt calm and new. There are two magazines that want me to work something up for them and I am approaching these in a different way than in the past. I am seeing things as NEW.

the course runs long and deep

2006-12-23T06:47:00.000-08:00

Saying that you "have" cancer one day, and then entering into the life that follows is a course that runs long and deep... November 20th was the biopsy, and November 22nd seemed like a million years to wait for the results. You hear the words spoken to you and for me in that moment, I went numb. December 12th was the first surgery and then results meant that I needed a second surgery one week from the last. I am processing and healing and dreaming and hurting at times, resting at others and all together my life is changed.

So many people from everywhere it feels like are showering us with love and prayers and cards and expressions of heart that fill our lives, truly in a deep way. I had two dreams on the 21st and 22nd that I have to write down because they define this part of the course...

This is way past "creative edge" time... this is "life edge" time and I am standing strong with a lot of help from my friends.

From the spiritual to the silly, moments take on new meaning and I am determined not to miss what is in front of my face, and in places I have not noticed before...

getting ready for surgery...

2006-12-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

I am getting ready for surgery on Tuesday, the 12th. My Mom comes in from New Mexico tomorrow and that is a bright light in my days. There are so many things that I have done quickly over many years. My son just asked me why I am moving slower these days... I couldn't answer that right away;I am moving slower these days, even with my answers it seems. It is not a sign that I am "sick" or depressed or anything other than I need more time to do each thing because I want to do it that way.

I am supposed to be as "relaxed" as possible for surgery. Relaxing with cancer is an interesting concept - can't quite wrap my head around that one yet, but I get the drift, just not the essence quite yet. It will all unfold as I continue on the path.

Okay, laundry calls and I am moving there. Okay, slower but with more gratitude than usual...

when the "C" word enters your life

2006-11-27T06:46:00.000-08:00

Well, I am saying the words that I cannot wish away, but need to accept: I have breast cancer.
The diagnosis came the day before Thanksgiving and it certainly has given me lots to reflect upon. In two days, I see a doctor to get a map of the landscape ahead. I want to know and I want to act on this right away. Perspective and priorities change and I am trying to be present enough in the moment to go into deeper places and make sure the lights are on there...

to Oregon and back again

2006-11-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

I went to Oregon for a week and had quite a time. A couple of days were dedicated to Indie Arts. That was a creative, concentrated time. Karen and I did a funny little videotaped piece that had us both laughing HARD! It was important for me to watch her do her editing magic firsthand.

The rest of the time was focused on creating my new Creative Catalyst Productions DVD with www.ccpvideos.com Doing that amount of concentrated artwork in front of multiple cameras was quite an experience. The "creative carving & stamping workshop experience" or something like that, will be available in the Spring of 2007. There is a lot crammed in there as far as techniques and ideas. It will be fun to see how this works with the book and also how it stands alone.

Always blows me away how many ideas come to the surface when under pressure of time and deadlines. It brings things to the point of committing to creating rather than thinking about it endlessly. If I want to show this technique that I have been thinking about for a long time, I have to make it/do it in order to show it - that is a good thing.

"playtime" is good

2006-10-29T07:09:00.000-08:00

Last night I took out some carving tools and played around. No big "plan" was involved, just wanted to take a few more things with me to Oregon. Always "one more idea" comes along...

It was a peaceful time. At the end, I made a little notebook to take with me and used whatever happened to be on my work table at the time. Yes, there will be plenty of time for "planning" and "organizing" in the days ahead and I will do that.
I like to remember to play from time to time... it is good.

experimenting

2006-10-28T07:45:00.000-07:00

To be techno-challenged is sometimes not fun - getting this blogging-thing to work for me seems like rocket science and I know it isn't so a certain level of frustration sets in... I'll get it. Hey, I think I just figured out one thing here! Let's see if it works... tinkering around might have results?

getting ready to go to Oregon

2006-10-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of getting ready to go to Portland to film the DVD companion to Art Stamping Workshop. This has been many months "in-the-making" as far as designing projects and creating the vision for the whole thing.

This past week I sent seven boxes ahead of myself - might as well have sent a moving van to crate the studio! I need to have my basic tools and toys with me - it is amazing how much I work with all the time - when you have to pack it, it gets real.

For months I have been working, thinking, planning... now it is time to DO IT! Completing this project will be very satisfying. Hopefully successful, too.

Creative Edge

2006-10-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

I am getting ready to go to Portland next week to film the DVD companion to Art Stamping Workshop and it feels so good to have sent along my art supplies to do it - seven boxes? Yeah, it takes that, for me anyway.

Completing this project is going to be very satisfying since I have known about it for many months now. You work and work, think and think, and then it is time to DO IT.

Starting over again...

2006-10-26T06:51:00.001-07:00

Life has its interesting twists and turns and I am twisting and turning most definitely. Since I created a blog called "Ripple Effects" and posted only two times in many months, I decided to start over again completely and revisit why I even thought of doing this in the first place.

So, "Creative Edge" is the new beginning.

Let's see where we go this time around.