Saturday, January 20, 2007

keep on keepin' on... to the essence

The last post seems like a thousand years ago... Days and hours and minutes and months get all fused, at times confused - at other times crystal clear.

In the world of "procedures" and medical terms, I am not really at home there yet. Going to my first support group was very helpful. Gary made me go. I hesitated because I was just hurting too much on a number of levels. The second I heard one smiling happy woman say that she was a nine-year breast cancer survivor, I immediately got up out of my chair and said: "Alright then, I am sitting next to YOU!" struggled out of my chair, sat myself down next to her, and the laughter helped lighten my darkness... They said she was my "lucky charm"...

I could write about the vertebroplasty I had done yesterday, but I don't want to. I just feel very grateful for the relief from the pain that was relentless.

Who is this new person I glance at in the mirror? I don't know my new self yet... This is an opportunity to reinvent, re-discover, uncover, pull things apart and see what's inside. But far beyond the procedures and tests and fears, the unknowns, way past who I was, what I have done before or want to accomplish in the future...

I want to get to the essence.

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