keep on keepin' on... to the essence

The last post seems like a thousand years ago... Days and hours and minutes and months get all fused, at times confused - at other times crystal clear.

In the world of "procedures" and medical terms, I am not really at home there yet. Going to my first support group was very helpful. Gary made me go. I hesitated because I was just hurting too much on a number of levels. The second I heard one smiling happy woman say that she was a nine-year breast cancer survivor, I immediately got up out of my chair and said: "Alright then, I am sitting next to YOU!" struggled out of my chair, sat myself down next to her, and the laughter helped lighten my darkness... They said she was my "lucky charm"...

I could write about the vertebroplasty I had done yesterday, but I don't want to. I just feel very grateful for the relief from the pain that was relentless.

Who is this new person I glance at in the mirror? I don't know my new self yet... This is an opportunity to reinvent, re-discover, uncover, pull things apart and see what's inside. But far beyond the procedures and tests and fears, the unknowns, way past who I was, what I have done before or want to accomplish in the future...

I want to get to the essence.

a "grace bank account"...

Going through many phases of a life process in a very concentrated period of time is going to stir things up. And bring things to the surface; and bring love and friendship to a new level.

A friend (one I have never met "in person"), Karen Dinino, (Visual Chronicles lady) sent me a message this morning; it was from Karen and her sister Linda Woods (other Visual Chronicles lady & friend). Karen shared about how she felt I had created a "grace bank account" over the years... Sitting at the computer, reading what she wrote, I let the tears just flow.

At the same time, my 12-year old son was helping me with a difficult mid-back spasm on my right side, gently massaging it, sharing quietly with me that I needed to "focus on the left side, Mom; it is better than it was yesterday, and this side will get better, too..." and so I did. It helped; it all helps.

Every card, every flower, every message & massage, all the prayers, the positive energy, and the food... the heart in all of it... Reflecting, from that perspective? "It's a Wonderful Life"... I am grateful beyond words...